There’s a new buzz on the internet over the revelation that the astrological signs have shifted with the wobbling of the earth’s axis. Why this is buzzworthy is beyond me. So you’re a leo and not a cancer…or…whatever. I’m usually good about looking up the specifics of these news stories before I flame them in this here blog but I’m not even bothering this time.

Want to  know why?

IT’S BECAUSE ASTROLOGY IS A HUGE STINKING PILE OF ROTTING BALONEY. It doesn’t matter at all where the stars are when someone is born. If you were told you were a Gemini all your life, and if you ever gave the slightest crap about astrology, enough to look up your Gemini personality description, you might have agreed with the description. Now that description you agreed with is wrong, you were a taurus all along. What does that mean? It means that the description was general enough for you to fit into.

Now you read your taurus description and you find that it describes you as well. Why? Because the description is general enough for anyone to fit into.

To me, this proves that astrology is bunk, and always has been. If the whole world of astrology believers has been duped for years and years into believing the wrong information, but somehow saw truth in it, then that only shows that these things can be tailored to fit whatever the believer wants to see. If there was any truth to astrology then the moment that the earth’s axis wobbled out of place everything astrology-wise would have fallen out of place.

Also, if a person’s new astrological sign doesn’t match up to their personality, then this also proves how meaningless astrology is. If the position of the stars when you’re born determines your personality, your daily moods, and your future, then the sign a person previously believed was their own would have been wrong. If there was any truth to astrology no one would have believed it up to this point because all the information would have been wrong.

Horoscopes and the like can be very entertaining. Sometimes they can even give good advice. Sometimes they can be eerily accurate. This doesn’t mean they are ever mystically right.

Accuracy of astrology is coincidental or is too general to be accurate. Quacks all over the place drain good, but naive people of their money in the name of astrology. To read more about the harm of this bullshit pseudoscience click here. 

So readers, don’t despair if your sign has changed. It was made up information before, and it is made up information now. If you can’t give up your astrological sign, you don’t have to. If you’ve been dying for a change, pick any old sign you want and flaunt the new you! There’s no rules in quackery, so go for it!

As for me, I will continue to faithfully follow the Onion’s horoscopes. They are really the most accurate I’ve seen:

Capricorn To his credit, the coroner will apologize to your family, but he’ll be forced to admit that “Rectum? Damn thing killed him!” was appropriate considering the circumstances.

P.S. I decide what sign I am to whichever Onion horoscope I think is the most funny.

  1. Andrew says:

    I always thought astrology was funny since different papers, websites, and magazines always provide different astrology predictions. That alone makes astrology seem like a crock of shit. They can’t all be right.

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