Just a Random Thought

Posted: August 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

When you grow up being taught that thinking critically about religion is a bad thing, it leaves you defenseless against some pretty stupid ideas. At age 11, my life was turned upside down by my parents’ divorce. I won’t go into details, but I keep remembering something my Dad told me during those first few weeks.

He told me that my Mom and him didn’t pray to ask god if it was right for them to get married. According to both of them, you need god’s permission before you commit your life to someone. If you don’t, it inevitably leads to divorce. He also said that it was a mistake for them to get married, but my brother, sister, and I were the products of that mistake and he was happy for that.

Divorce makes Jesus sad.

As a kid, I don’t know if I thought much about it. I think I might have felt it was a compliment that my Dad was glad I came from that mistake. Recent events in my life brought that up again. It gave me a sort of “WTF?” moment. Now I wish, when I was young, I possessed the critical thinking skills to ask these questions:

-If god didn’t want Mom and Dad to get married, does that mean he never wanted my siblings and I?

-Doesn’t god know everything, have a plan for everything, and see everything coming? If so, was it in his plan for us to be born, or did their sin of marrying without permission mess up his plan?

-If god wanted them to pray for permission first, and they did, and found out they weren’t meant for each other, I would have never been born. Am I a punishment for their sin?

-Is it sometimes ok for us to not obey god, especially if you are blessed with 3 children as a result of that sin? Does god want us to sin sometimes, so he can do things like create three people out of a doomed marriage?

It’s easy to think of those questions now. Now I find the idea of believing in god silly and crazy. When I was 11 though, I didn’t know any better. I can’t believe that didn’t screw me up. It makes me wonder what other things I blindly accepted.

I just wish I had raised those questions. If only to just throw my Dad for a loop. Maybe he could have seen that he was just making things up to make us understand or to make him feel better about getting divorce. Maybe, but I’ll probably never know.

  1. Sophia Grace says:

    Believing in god isn’t silly. It’s a psychospiritual means to get through difficult experiences like death, divorce, and trauma.

    Sounds to me your dad applied it appropriately, even if you look back now and think it was horseshit.

    Some folks need a Zeus-like being in the sky to get through. I don’t think it’s necessary to fault them for it, even if to you, that’s a remedial method for surviving.

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